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hellscion
Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 338
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Sonic Wallpaper wrote:the only folks who are weird around here are the 'normal' ones  >>>eventually i became kind of mean but i didn't realize it until i quit school and got away from the bastard kids for several years. People were trying to connect with you in this thread, and your response was to call one of them weird and ask and offensive question of him? That's not the way you thank people who acknowledge you and attempt to help you. Care for others - even people you don't know - and people will start to care about you. Being mean is just a coping skill, and there are many better ways to cope with life. Things can change and they usually do. Hang in there and be positive. 
hahaha.. nooo it isnt like that. however i do owe him 1, for he tricked me into watching the aphex twin video rubber johnny & the skinny puppy video warlock. dammit subtronik, you bastard.. 
anyways, i will just say.. we are only here because we're not all there.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
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Subtronik
Joined: 01/14/03
Posts: 1193
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hellscion wrote:dammit subtronik, you bastard..
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Sonic Wallpaper
Joined: 05/22/01
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1266
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>>> aphex twin video rubber johnny
yeah - i won't watch it. The preview before it orig. came out was enough for me. Chris Cunningham is great with video... but the combo of him and Aphex sure produced some frightening results. The "Come on my selector" video for Squarepusher rocks though. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxEb2FrQUbE
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hellscion
Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 338
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Subtronik wrote:
ha. prepare to meet your doom.. ninjas, attack!
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
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Subtronik
Joined: 01/14/03
Posts: 1193
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hellscion
Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 338
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umm wow what an artistic deflection 
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
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Tecknixia
Joined: 08/15/01
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 108
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Where do you live?!? I mean not specifically of course, just, what general area? Where a person lives has a great impact on what that person will encounter.
I'd love to reply to this because whether I "understand" what you've been through or not, I can identify with some of the feelings you may have... including and especially needing to reach out and tell someone about your experiences.
I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion of what you have written. I am going out on a limb here and am afraid that I may say things that others, or you, might disagree with, but I'm willing to take the chance.
School has an amazing way of making any kid who is a bit different then the others and they don't know why, grow up feeling inferior.
hellscion wrote:When i was much younger no one liked me...
hellscion wrote:why people never liked me i still dont know
Maybe you don't feel as inferior as you used to, but you still seem afraid that no one will listen to you or care what you have to say. It seems that it is something that you have needed for a long time, probably your whole life, and you STILL obviously need, but have been denied over and over again.
I am talking from my own experiences of course.
I'm not sure why people liked to pick on me when I was younger... but really, when we were all younger, everyone attacked everyone else in some form or another... and some were just more vulnerable to the attacks then others. I didn't live in a rough area, but I definitely grew up being afraid of other people, not for my life, but definitely being extremely afraid of negative attention.
When you wrote what you did, you obviously were thinking about things that continued to bother you in your life whether you knew it or not. Deep issues like this are kinda like grass, if you keep taking care of it, it looks like everything's fine, but neglecting to keep it in check can result in it growing out of control. It's a lot of effort to maintain and it can get tiresome.
I've actually taken steps to go to the source and attack my own inferiority, and it really helped, but the roots are so deep, it keeps trying to show back up here and there. I have never gone through therapy, and I used to think that I was going to completely kill my problems on my own, and didn't need help. Now, I do see that therapy would be helpful, even if I don't really need it to live happily.
I can't give you expert advice, but I can give you my opinion. The things that happen to you are not from you, you aren't a magnet for problems, they are external, you are a victim of your surroundings. If you want to be happier, I would suggest that you seperate yourself from the sources of continued exposure to violence. I'm not saying head for the mountains... but, it's amazing the difference a different neighborhood, maybe even just a block, or different job can make.
In my opinion, you especially need to figure out a way to get away from your job and into something less stressful and/or less dangerous. Also, the people you spend time around will influence you, wether good or bad. When you're in a position as you are, it's hard to climb your way to a better and more peaceful situation... but time and persistance pays off... again I'm speaking from experience.
Let me tell you man, your surroundings and self accomplishment have more impact on you then you realize. I am so much happier now then I was 2 years ago.
Of course once you get to where you're comfortable, then you have deal with the questions of "now what?" and the emotional affects... but I'm sure that's more appealing than feeling trapped in a circle of violence.
Good luck to you, I hope the things I said benefit you in some way.
Most recent track: Tecknixia - Technology 2009 Version  Strm  Dnldnonzerosumgain.freeforums.org |
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Subtronik
Joined: 01/14/03
Posts: 1193
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Nice reply Tecknixia
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hellscion
Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 338
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umm north florida.. right by the capitol. yea florida sucks.. really bad weather.. you never know when your home can be blown away by 140mph winds or submerged in 4 ft of water. & once i stepped outside the front door and there was an alligator there..
anyways..i can only try to act & think properly but im still young & crazy from what im told. to think of everything that has happened and im still struggling just to make it from 1 day to the next. and losing my patience with.. peoples' driving of all things. it gets difficult to keep letting things go & feeling like theres nothing that can really be done. im ok though.. the time to worry wouldve been about 3 or 4 years ago but im still alive. it is all behind me i suppose
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
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Tecknixia
Joined: 08/15/01
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 108
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RE: violence..
Saturday, September 29, 2007 at 11:08 AM
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subtronik:
Thanks
hellscion:
Oh, I don't know much about that area, it sounds crazy though.
Yeah, I also like to have control of my surroundings and I can't stand when people do stupid things. I'm glad you can deal with things now. If you're still "young & crazy" then you may not start thinking through things like I have until later in life, which is of course normal.
Hmm, ever met Fourier in person? He lives in Florida too.
Most recent track: Tecknixia - Technology 2009 Version Strm Dnldnonzerosumgain.freeforums.org |
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hellscion
Joined: 04/05/06
Posts: 338
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fourier? nay, doesnt ring a bell..
anyways, thanks for the advice teck.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." - Frederick Keonig
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reconsiderate
Joined: 09/29/07
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 76
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hellscion wrote:well you may not understand why im saying this here but whatever..
Right on, dude. No one understands personal experiences, and that can be way frustrating... especially when you need help processing them / making sense of them... or just need someone to friggin listen. But, in the grand scheme of things, you're utterly alone anyway... and in every conceivable way. This can be very empowering if you manage to organize all of your memories / feelings / conclusions / aspirations into a coherent system such that everything has a clear constructive purpose. No one ever said it was easy... achieving the kind of quiescence that mystics and philosophers write about...
In spite of this, look at all the support you got.
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Subtronik
Joined: 01/14/03
Posts: 1193
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Nice first post reconsiderate.
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Subtronik
Joined: 01/14/03
Posts: 1193
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Hmm, second post actually 
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